Jesus Crunks Up The Wedding Party || GE & KC's Daily Bible Podcast, Day 246

Now we are going to discuss Jesus' early ministry. If you weren't aware, Jesus either has a 1 or 3-year ministry. This Daily Bible is going to bs us with merging these two concepts. Jesus cons two brothers into following him around. Andrew and Simon peter. Next, Jesus gets two more cult members named Philip and Nathanael, they were stupid too. Next, Jesus is going to turn some water into wine to crunk up the party. He did a wine stand and had his disciples twerk while he got super drunk. The next morning, Jesus is hung over from the party and wanders into a temple where he then goes on a drunken rampage and destroys all the merchant booths. A little while later, he decided to school Nicodemus on the real theology of God. After this, Jesus thought pretty highly of himself and decided to copy what John the crazy river hillbilly was doing and started baptizing people. John was happy about being cuckolded by Jesus. Now Jesus leaves for galilee but has to stop for a rest at a well. Coincidently, this was the same well that Jacob pissed in thousands of years ago after a long night of partying with his two wives and concubines. So it felt right. Jesus then met a woman who started to talk shit to him, but being the son of God has its perks because Jesus knew all her dirty secrets. He told her this and convinced her to convince other people he was the son of God or else he'll blackmail her. Then Jesus says some delusional shit about eating the food of the spirit or something and mentions how it will cause you to never be hungry again. Sounds like he had some magic shrooms to me. That's when like all the Sarmatians were immediately convinced he was a god. Crowds were going wild and the samaritan women flashed Jesus. It was wild. Then Jesus arrived in Capernaum and some guy was begging Jesus to save his son. Being hungover again and not wanting to deal with his incessant whining, Jesus healed the son immediately just so the guy would shut up. Then John the baptist streaked naked in the city and screamed about how Herod can f*** off to hell cause that's where everyone is going and then proceeded to t-bag the statue of his father in that steak house we talked about. Herod threw him in Jail. Daily Bible Podcast: http://www.thedailybiblepodcast.com Subscribe to this channel: http://SubToGE.com Join the Skeptic Mafia: http://JoinSkepticMafia.com Available Deals -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Get 15% off Ridge Wallets: http://godlessengineering.com/ridgedeal -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Merch -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Download CHRESTUS: https://chrest.us Get your "Citation Fucking Needed" Shirt: http://citationfuckingneeded.com "got evidence?" shirt: http://gotevidenceshirt.com "btw, evolution is a fact" shirt: http://btwevolutionisafact.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Discord Server: http://bit.ly/JoinGodlessDiscord


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